The Rewards of Altruism

We human beings have the rare tendency, as compared to other creatures, to be altruistic, to give to those to whom we are not related. It is thought that a secure and happy childhood, with healthy attachments, makes it natural for us to act out of compassion, love, and altruism.

            Much research confirms the psychological benefits and physical health gains of giving to others. However, balance is important. Extremes of altruism can lead to unhealthy psychological compulsions. For example, it’s never emotionally healthy for us to let ourselves become doormats.

            Even if you haven’t been in the habit of giving to others, you can improve your mood and your general health just by beginning to act charitably. Simply choosing to be more caring or helpful to members of your family is enough to strengthen your altruism “muscle” and make you feel better.

            Giving money or goods to a charitable cause is good but not the only way to be altruistic. Listening attentively, forgiving people who have hurt you, or going out of your way to cheer a suffering person are also valuable acts of compassion and may serve to develop a different aspect of your natural charitable impulses.

            We think of altruism as originating in our hearts. Put your brain to work also by visualizing yourself responding generously and compassionately to family members, coworkers, and friends. It’s easier to tap into your best self if you have already pictured yourself doing it.

Talk About Image

There is no single factor that causes eating disorders among young people and there is no one solution. But we adults can address some of the elements that contribute to the problem. Many young people are driven by standards created by a society that allows its children to be socialized by television, the Internet, and their peers, instead of by caring and mentoring adults. Some adults who do care and are involved with young people see kids as helpless and in need of protection from the risk of failure or being hurt.

            To relieve the competitive pressure that’s so prevalent in the culture at large and learned by our children at an early age, we want to dispute the idea that there is only one way to success in the world, that it’s all about which university you go to, how much you money you make or what car you drive.

            We can acknowledge the impossibility of perfection. The need to be perfect drives many young women, beginning as early as age eleven. Talk with your young people about the limiting nature of the self-preoccupation that defines perfectionists and how perfectionism is an ultimately self-defeating strategy.

            Encourage young people over whom you have influence to experiment with a broad range of activities. Debrief with them about what they gained from their experiences and what they might do differently another time. Allow them to fail and acknowledge that they may occasionally get hurt. Help them define the willingness to attempt as success.

Take Note of This

Music enhances our moods and our physical health. Listening to the music of your choice, be it country-western, jazz, or classical, as you study, work, rest, or exercise can settle your temperament and increase feelings of optimism, serenity, and happiness.

            Just half an hour of your favourite tunes can lower the stress hormone cortisol, boost your levels of feel-good endorphins, and even strengthen your immune system by raising levels of Immunoglobulin A, one of our main defenses against upper respiratory infections. Music may not be a cure for the common cold but it can lessen the incidence.

            Physically music can add to your workouts, your lungs, and your brain-power. People who listened to music while exercising, ran farther and worked out longer than those who exercised without music. One study showed that exercise combined with a dose of Vivaldi enhanced participants’ verbal fluency.

            Forty-five minutes of soft music before you snuggle into bed will lower your heart rate, slow respiration, and improve the quality of your sleep. Another benefit is less daytime drowsiness. It turns out that adults benefit from lullabies, too.

Practice Makes Perfect

It can be so difficult to stick to healthy resolutions, can’t it? We humans are complex and fallible creatures. We eat foods that aren’t good for us; we don’t stick to our exercise programs; and we don’t follow our doctors’ orders, even when we’re really sick.

Understanding what we need to do, having the resources to do it, and wanting to do it are the three prerequisites for improving our health.

            When we create an implementation plan (if this happens, then I’ll do this) our success rate doubles. We can use this to deal with distractions also, as in if I see potato chips, then I’ll ignore them. Planning for slip-ups can also use the if/then method. If walking isn’t working because I always stop at the bakery, then I’ll join the gym instead.

            Keeping track of your progress can be very motivating, as can making public commitments to lose a certain amount of weight or to adopt a new healthy behaviour. Knowing that your family and friends are watching you for results and persistence makes you feel more obliged to carry through. Setting up a challenge with a friend to lose weight, eat healthier, or exercise regularly can activate your competitive spirit and take you farther than if you go it alone.

            The more we do what we’re supposed to do, the easier it becomes. Be on the alert, though, for times of high stress when willpower is a little harder to hang onto. Self- control gets stronger with regular use, just like our muscles. Practice really does make perfect.

Carl and Linda

Carl and Linda (a fictitious couple) were not as happy in their marriage as they had hoped. Married for nine years now, it seemed they could not agree on anything.  Carl thought their fights were over trivial things and Linda was sad to feel so alone in their marriage.

            When Linda talked to her pastor about the loneliness she struggled with, her pastor suggested that marriage counselling could be helpful and gave them information on how to contact Recovery of Hope, a faith-based counselling agency with offices in Winnipeg, Steinbach, Altona, Winkler, Niverville, and Portage La Prairie.  When Linda called the toll-free number she was able to book an appointment at the location most convenient for them. Carl was pleased that evening appointments were available so that they didn’t have to book time off work.

            Carl and Linda came home from their first appointment with the counsellor feeling hopeful.  The counsellor had listened respectfully to both their concerns and had understood the feelings of each. Carla and Linda were pleased to hear that the counsellor had a plan for how they could develop relationship skills and implement more effective communication to help strengthen their marital bond. They learned that, after a few more sessions, each could feel respected and cared for in the marriage. 

An Emotion by Any Other Name…

When we speak of emotions, we tend to assume that all people have a standard set of emotions – anger, fear, sadness, disgust, curiousity, happiness. Some psychologists wonder if how we distinguish one emotion from another might be based on experience and context. A person might label the same reaction “surprise” one time and “fear” another time, based on the circumstances each time.

            This could have implications for therapy. If you tell your therapist you’re angry that your partner left you, the therapist might suggest that you’re sad. The interpretation might be helpful, or not, in discussing the situation. People who have several words for anger (irritation, rage, hostility) perceive their emotional states more accurately and can better regulate their emotions as a result.

            Can you identify for yourself is your internal state is caused by an emotion or by something physical such as fatigue or low blood sugar levels? When identifying your internal state try to avoid using generalizations like “I feel great” or “I feel terrible”. Rather, expand your emotional vocabulary by learning the difference for yourself between frightened and worried, between nervous and excited. In doing so, you’ll be improving your emotional intelligence.