Monique Lepine’s story.

Canadians and the world were shocked to hear the news on Dec. 6th, 1989 that a man had shot and killed 14 women at Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal before turning the gun and killing himself. Why such senseless murder?
Monique Lepine was sitting eating her supper in front of the TV after a busy day at work when she heard the news. As usual on Wednesday she went to a prayer meeting. There she felt moved to pray for that young man’s mother not realizing that she was praying for herself.
The next day she was busy outside of her office until 6 pm. As she arrived back to do some last minute preparations for the next day her boss told her to go to her office – he needed to speak to her. The whole place seemed in an uproar. As she read her messages for the day she saw one from her brother. When she called him he said, “Monique we think the killer at the Polytechnique was Marc (your son)!” Then her boss walked in with the same message. The police were right behind him.
After that Monique says her life did not seem like her own anymore. There was endless questioning, identification of the body, trying to satisfy the police and finding a picture of Marc. All she could find was an old group picture taken one evening when the family sat visiting in her apartment. He had not even shaved that day. Marc did not like having his picture taken so that was all she had. The next day it was in the newspaper. She had not realized what the police would do. People said Marc was ugly. She was so hurt. It was not the good looking, sensitive young man she knew! What would have motivated Marc to commit such an insane act? This has been a question for many years. It is still not answered with any degree of certainty.
Being a nurse Monique realized she was in a state of shock: the turmoil, the lack of food and other necessities, the many people at the police station, and finally the interview with the psychiatrist so see if she was sane was all too much! Even the police seemed overwhelmed. Finally at midnight they said she could go - but not to her home. The police suggested she go to a hotel because of the journalist that would be waiting at her door.
Monique had been an evangelical Christian since 1981 and was able to gather her strength and phone her pastor at that late hour. He and his wife welcomed her with open arms. She had a quiet place with where she could cry and the press could not find her. For three weeks she could not speak or express herself in words. A psychologist she had been seeing came to help her.
During this time Monique kept seeing a picture of Michelangelo’s Pieta where Mary, the mother of Jesus, is holding her dead son. The words, “Mary, knowing all the suffering that she was going to have to endure, kept all these things in her heart.” came into her mind. Monique decided to do the same and not speak to journalists.
In the aftermath of that experience Monique lived with shame and guilt. She trusted very few people. Her daughter went back to live with her boyfriend and she was alone. Since she had left her abusive
husband, when he began to abuse Marc, at about age 5, she had no financial means and had to go back to work. She had had a good job but now she needed all her energy to get through the day.
Monique also struggled with denial and fear at this time. She would be walking down the street and think she had seen Marc, following him for some distance, only to realize it was not him. At other time, at night, in her own home, she would imagine that Marc would be coming to kill or strangle her. Many people who were strangers – ordinary people – sent messages of support. The Minister of Justice, Mr. Gil Remillard called right before the funeral to say, “Madame, of all things don’t feel guilty.” Monsignor Gregoire, who was a bishop at the time, called her to his office and told her ordinary people were asking, “[As bishop], what are you doing for Marc Lepine’s mother?”
In 1996 Monique’s daughter, who was abusing drugs, died of an overdose of cocaine. Monique’s life caved in and she lost sight of all purpose and meaning. All she could do was cry out to God every night. She clung to the biblical promise that “in our distress, when the just cry out to the Lord, He hears and He will act. He will come and comfort those who suffer”. She sought professional help again and returned to work.
Monique had many ‘Why’ questions. She could not understand why this had happened to her. She could not understand the promises of help in the Bible. She sought further counselling help from a Christian psychologist and a Pastor. She began to play scrabble with a group (a game she had enjoyed with her children). She helped at a food bank at her church. She wanted to come out of the shadows and give her testimony. These activities helped her to feel freer inside. She had other experiences of God, asking her to who gave her life and asking her to choose between life and death. At that point she said to God, “Lord you are the one who has to open all the doors and who has to give me meaning. You have to give me another chance.”
Since that moment in 2001 Monique says that God has opened doors and given her a new freedom to talk about her life. God has comforted her and now she can comfort those who suffer. It has been a process but little by little she has been able to share what God has done for her.
The message that Monique would like to leave with people is a paraphrased below.
God gives the gift of resilience. We receive it by taking a step of obedience. It is a gift that is given during difficult times. We must work together with God on this. So if a person has pain, suffering, or deep secrets find a trustworthy person with whom to share that pain and those needs. But most importantly, the person must find the courage to cry out to God. God made us and knows what we need to overcome our situation. We have to trust God with our life. God will give us both meaning and purpose.
This story was drawn from Monique Lepine’s presentation on October 20, 2012 at Eastview Church, Winnipeg, at an Eden Foundation Fundraising event and her published booklet, “A message of hope”.
Written by Evelyn Labun, RN, DNSc.

Hope in Tragedy

Ken Reddig and Linda Driedger Eden Foundation with Monique Lépine

People at both the Friday evening and Saturday events of Eden Foundation’s dessert nights heard a dark but inspiring story from Monique Lepine. Monique is the mother of Marc Lepine, who became nationally known as the Polytechnic killer in 1989. After 17 years of silence she broke her silence and now speaks of the tragedy restoration she has experienced in her life.

She began her story with December 6, 1989 when she heard on radio that a man had killed 14 women at the Polytechnique College in Montreal. It was not until a day later she learned that it was her son who was the killer. She told of how she could not believe what had happened and how devastated she felt. Neither the police or journalists showed sympathy for her. To get away from Journalists she stayed at her pastors home and later simply avoided the public as much as possible to stay our of the way of the press.

Meanwhile she asked that eternal question, “Why?” She thought of her guilt for her divorce from a husband who beat her and her son. She then had to become a strong single mother who worked long hours as a nurse. At the same time she knew she could not attend to her children like she felt she should have. When her daughter died from an overdose of drugs, her guilt and shame worsened.

Fortunately before this all happened she had become a Christian. It was her faith in God that she clung too—often very weakly. But it kept her going. Meanwhile she had the support and compassion of  fellow workers and friends. That kept her going and for weeks and months she wept and prayed.

One difficult thing she discovered was that while there was financial and counseling support for the victims, there was nothing provided for the family of the perpetrator. The criminal code simply did not see her as a victim.

Among the messages of support she received one was from Gil Remillard who was Minister of Justice at the time. “Don’t feel guilty,” he told her. And part of her healing was to make the distinction between her responsibility and that of her children. A very difficult thing for her to do.

She noted how she went to church but often was very depressed. One evening in Church she felt she was dying of sadness. She leaned against the person next to her and told her, “If I fall down, let me lie there on the floor”. She had no desire to live. Her heart was beating irregularly. And then she heard the Lord’s voice speaking to her. “Who was it that gave you life?” She then said, “You Lord.” And then she felt as if it was the Lord asking her whether she wanted to live or die. And she said, “Lord, if I live, you are the one who has to open all the doors and has to give meaning to my life. You have to give me another chance.”

And that is what happened. She began speaking to women’s groups, and gave her testimony in other groups, churches and jails.

Today Ms. Lepine spreads her message around North America and even into Europe. She notes that if you have pain and are suffering, or if you have deep secrets that have affected you, you need to talk about them and not keep them to yourself. It is also very important that you find someone you know and trust that you can confide in. But most important she notes, “You need to find the courage to cry out to the Lord.”

She closed the events by noting that her heart had been broken and now it has been healed. She has been comforted and restored. No matter what the circumstance her message is for people to be strong on the journey. And today it is her mission to convey that message to all who are hurting.  

Eden Foundation News Release

Author Discusses Book Examining Idea Of Forgiveness After Tragedy

Written by Dantin Reimer

Dr. Weaver-Zercher speaking at the Eden Health Care's Forgiveness and Mental Health, a Stepping Stone to Recovery on October 11th

Six years ago the Amish community of Nickel Mines grieved over the loss of 5 of its girls, while 5 others were seriously injured in a mass shooting incident. October 2nd, 2006 Charles Roberts went into their school and proceeded to shoot all ten of the girls that were in attendance because he was angry at God for taking his young daughter.

Dr. David Weaver-Zercher was in Winkler last Thursday to speak at a Eden Foundation dessert night. The event raised $28,000, including sponsorships, with the money supporting Eden Health Care Services programming such as the Segue employment program and its housing and supports programs.

Dr. Weaver Zercher has co-written a book about the Nickel Mines school shooting called "Amish Grace" (How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy).  The book explores the many questions raised about the religious beliefs and habits of Amish society that led to the quick offer of forgiveness to the shooter Roberts.

"The story of the Amish school shooting in Nickel Mines. Really did capture world wide attention. It's now six years since it happened. It was October 2nd, 2006 when Charles Roberts entered an Amish school house in Lancaster County. Took his gun with him and chased out everybody but the girls, ten of them were left behind, he shot them and five of them died. Much of the attention around the world had to do with the horror of what happened but, also in the aftermath the Amish response got a lot of attention as well particularly the Amish response with respect to forgiving Robert for what he had done," said Zercher.

Dr. Weaver-Zercher continues to keep in touch with the Nickel Mines community, and shared some of the families have to deal with the situation differently. There is one family that needs help to take care of their daughter in many ways, because she can't take care of herself. Generally the families are healing well, and are sharing their experience with other Amish and non-Amish people.

Nickel Mines didn't take long to forgive the actions of Charles Roberts.

"One of the reasons why this story has resonance is that all of us can relate to instances where we've been hurt by others and all of us can relate to the pain that comes after that. The anger that we feel, the bitterness we feel, the desire to enact revenge either in small or big ways. So I think that the issue of forgiveness and the problem of forgiveness is one that is almost universal.  I think what that the Amish teach is that not only is it possible to forgive but, it is easier to forgive when your in a community that values forgiveness. So when I get into church settings that's one of the things that I try to talk about that this is a heavy load to bear, but when you are surrounded by people that encourage you in that regard that sympathize with you when you know that it's difficult to forgive. That's a helpful first step. One of the things I try to talk about when I talk about the Amish response is that it is really a community response. There were particular people, particular families that were affected more centrally, but At the same time the response of forgiveness is something that is embedded in their community life together and they help one another in that regard." stated Zercher.

Origin of Post:
http://www.pembinavalleyonline.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=29498&Itemid=338