Canadians and the world were shocked to hear the news on Dec. 6th, 1989 that a man had shot and killed 14 women at Ecole Polytechnique in Montreal before turning the gun and killing himself. Why such senseless murder?
Monique Lepine was sitting eating her supper in front of the TV after a busy day at work when she heard the news. As usual on Wednesday she went to a prayer meeting. There she felt moved to pray for that young man’s mother not realizing that she was praying for herself.
The next day she was busy outside of her office until 6 pm. As she arrived back to do some last minute preparations for the next day her boss told her to go to her office – he needed to speak to her. The whole place seemed in an uproar. As she read her messages for the day she saw one from her brother. When she called him he said, “Monique we think the killer at the Polytechnique was Marc (your son)!” Then her boss walked in with the same message. The police were right behind him.
After that Monique says her life did not seem like her own anymore. There was endless questioning, identification of the body, trying to satisfy the police and finding a picture of Marc. All she could find was an old group picture taken one evening when the family sat visiting in her apartment. He had not even shaved that day. Marc did not like having his picture taken so that was all she had. The next day it was in the newspaper. She had not realized what the police would do. People said Marc was ugly. She was so hurt. It was not the good looking, sensitive young man she knew! What would have motivated Marc to commit such an insane act? This has been a question for many years. It is still not answered with any degree of certainty.
Being a nurse Monique realized she was in a state of shock: the turmoil, the lack of food and other necessities, the many people at the police station, and finally the interview with the psychiatrist so see if she was sane was all too much! Even the police seemed overwhelmed. Finally at midnight they said she could go - but not to her home. The police suggested she go to a hotel because of the journalist that would be waiting at her door.
Monique had been an evangelical Christian since 1981 and was able to gather her strength and phone her pastor at that late hour. He and his wife welcomed her with open arms. She had a quiet place with where she could cry and the press could not find her. For three weeks she could not speak or express herself in words. A psychologist she had been seeing came to help her.
During this time Monique kept seeing a picture of Michelangelo’s Pieta where Mary, the mother of Jesus, is holding her dead son. The words, “Mary, knowing all the suffering that she was going to have to endure, kept all these things in her heart.” came into her mind. Monique decided to do the same and not speak to journalists.
In the aftermath of that experience Monique lived with shame and guilt. She trusted very few people. Her daughter went back to live with her boyfriend and she was alone. Since she had left her abusive
husband, when he began to abuse Marc, at about age 5, she had no financial means and had to go back to work. She had had a good job but now she needed all her energy to get through the day.
Monique also struggled with denial and fear at this time. She would be walking down the street and think she had seen Marc, following him for some distance, only to realize it was not him. At other time, at night, in her own home, she would imagine that Marc would be coming to kill or strangle her. Many people who were strangers – ordinary people – sent messages of support. The Minister of Justice, Mr. Gil Remillard called right before the funeral to say, “Madame, of all things don’t feel guilty.” Monsignor Gregoire, who was a bishop at the time, called her to his office and told her ordinary people were asking, “[As bishop], what are you doing for Marc Lepine’s mother?”
In 1996 Monique’s daughter, who was abusing drugs, died of an overdose of cocaine. Monique’s life caved in and she lost sight of all purpose and meaning. All she could do was cry out to God every night. She clung to the biblical promise that “in our distress, when the just cry out to the Lord, He hears and He will act. He will come and comfort those who suffer”. She sought professional help again and returned to work.
Monique had many ‘Why’ questions. She could not understand why this had happened to her. She could not understand the promises of help in the Bible. She sought further counselling help from a Christian psychologist and a Pastor. She began to play scrabble with a group (a game she had enjoyed with her children). She helped at a food bank at her church. She wanted to come out of the shadows and give her testimony. These activities helped her to feel freer inside. She had other experiences of God, asking her to who gave her life and asking her to choose between life and death. At that point she said to God, “Lord you are the one who has to open all the doors and who has to give me meaning. You have to give me another chance.”
Since that moment in 2001 Monique says that God has opened doors and given her a new freedom to talk about her life. God has comforted her and now she can comfort those who suffer. It has been a process but little by little she has been able to share what God has done for her.
The message that Monique would like to leave with people is a paraphrased below.
God gives the gift of resilience. We receive it by taking a step of obedience. It is a gift that is given during difficult times. We must work together with God on this. So if a person has pain, suffering, or deep secrets find a trustworthy person with whom to share that pain and those needs. But most importantly, the person must find the courage to cry out to God. God made us and knows what we need to overcome our situation. We have to trust God with our life. God will give us both meaning and purpose.
This story was drawn from Monique Lepine’s presentation on October 20, 2012 at Eastview Church, Winnipeg, at an Eden Foundation Fundraising event and her published booklet, “A message of hope”.
Written by Evelyn Labun, RN, DNSc.
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